dumby

It's strange how stupid people generally become.

When I was in high school I thought that most 20-somethings were so lame. They weren't funny or interesting. Just lame. And now that I'm well into age 22, I know that I was right. I thought maybe there was something that the 18 year old me couldn't understand about the college age person, and maybe I still don't understand it.

Generally by the time you're 18 or close to 18 you've probably evolved beyond all the social and mental problems of your average high schooler, as that phase of life is almost over. And if you hadn't evolved past that, well, there's no hope for you. That final stretch of high school into the first year or two of college and the workforce and such seems to be a fairly positive time for people. Most of my musician friends were/are at their most productive at that time of existing. Even if I think that we've all made better stuff than when we were 18/19, there was an intense drive then that doesn't exist so much now, except in that "we should really look into doing this... (nothing happens)" way.

When I was going to school at MSU (almost four years ago... urhhg), I thought that most of the people that were older than me were just so uniteresting. They either had devoted their life to studying and no free thought, or partying and just no thought. And I won't even start with the people who didn't go to college...

And now it's like that with most people that I know. I don't want to come across as arrogant or a prude because I don't think I am but I don't understand why people let their brains go to waste in various ways. I can feel it happening to me with work. I felt like I had so much more time to live when I lived with my parents. Now I've been working at my job for four years and they have flown by. I really do feel like I've gotten stupider, and the last couple days I have felt a real drive to tickle my brain parts again. Not with college, just myself. I have these ridiculous thoughts and ideas and I might as well figure out how to do something useful with it all and not be such a lazy shit.

It's funny how it seems like our peers/environment/society/world/collective consciousness (depending on how small/large of a scale you want to consider) make it seem like we grow up to become the best we can be and be unique, when next thing you know, that actually means the straight B student, the person who spent five years of his life for a degree and can't get a job with it, the guy who plays in the same empty bar when he's 18, 24, 35, 43 and 60, the mother of four kids who also probably won't amount to much, and one of the fastest delivery drivers at store 1646. Anything unique or creative or whatever is weird, or embarassing, or pretentious, or what have you. Why try to understand something when Godsmack is on the radio?

But who do you blame? Do you blame the people who told you to go to school to become who you want to be, only to leave you to find out that you spent all these years to NOT be who you wanted, or do you blame yourself for falling for it?

I don't know, humans suck.

Also, I'm not just bashing college here. Actually that was far from the first thing on my mind going into this. Moreso than watching someone become a slave to the education system, I don't like watching formerly creative people throw that away to become another boring 20-something 'party guy', or a single parent with no hope just because they were a fool and didn't wrap their tool, or they enter a bad relationship and the significant other eats their soul/domesticates them. I expected these things to happen to some people, but not everyone.

As boring as I am, maybe I was born to be in a Rush cover band after all, who knows. I prefer Yes though...

Basically this is yet another blog capturing my thoughts on feeling increasingly isolated from my peers, and some possible mental dysfunction on my part (various people suggest various gifts/hindrances but they all make me sound ridiculous), as if I don't talk about this shit enough. But this is most of what's on my mind at any given time.